EMOTICOMICS! BLOG!

2009-05-25T18:47:00.004-03:00

Comic 90! THAT IS THE LAST ONE.
I wanted to get to 100, but 90 is pretty good too.
Goodbye! (Here are some other things I've done though.)

2009-05-14T13:59:00.001-03:00

One time god turned my wife into salt, and then put her in my gas tank.

Motherfucker took hours to clean out.

2009-05-11T13:10:00.003-03:00

Today's comic is about nuclear armageddon and date rape.

In the first copy of the comic I made the hilarious mistake of misspelling "unmutated" as "unmated." This is funny because it implies that the guy in the comic wanted to have sex with a virgin. COMEDY.

Another good pickup line in the case of nuclear war would be "Hey baby, when I'm with you it's like the end of the world, because all I want to do is fuck."

Hope everyone had a good mother's day!

2009-05-08T14:03:00.009-03:00

So there's a few different ways the paradoxy paradox of paradoxes in today's comic might work.

Let's assume that I only ever say one thing: "Everything I say is a lie." The statement "everything I say is a lie" in isolation is a paradox because it implies that "everything I say is a lie" is also a lie. If that statement is a lie, then it is not the case that everything I say is a lie. If it is not the case that everything I say is a lie, then I am indeed lying when I say "everything I say is a lie," because the only way to lie about "everything I say is a lie" is to say something that is not a lie. The statement implies both that I always lie and that I do not lie about always lying. Its falseness proves its truth, and its truth proves its falseness, and so it is a paradox.

If what I just said is a paradox, then I tell the truth by saying "what I just said is a paradox." If I tell the truth then not everything I say is a lie. Since I have told the truth, the statement "everything I say is a lie" is no longer a paradox, because it suggests that I always lie, but does not imply that I am telling the truth about always lying (I have told the truth at least once, so I do not always lie. I am simply lying about always lying now.) Finally, since "everything I say is a lie" is no longer a paradox, I am lying when I say "what I just said is a paradox" and so everything I say is a lie again.

I'm not actually sure if this is totally correct and I'll have to think about it some more but MAN AM I EVER GLAD THAT THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE HASN'T BEEN WIPED OUT BY METALLIC MONSTERS OF OUR OWN CREATION.

2009-05-06T12:26:00.003-03:00

TODAY IS PARADOX COMICS DAY (Which means if you write a comic about paradoxes then you haven't written a comic about paradoxes.)

Nothing much else to say.

The Inter Net may be a horrible, awful place, but every once in a while it redeems itself.

2009-05-02T13:10:00.002-03:00

So today's comic is kind of poking fun at XKCD? But really it's a loving tribute. Like a celebrity roast. Except instead of a bunch of B-list comedians poking fun at William Shatner, it's an internet celebrity being made fun of by a guy who makes comics out of emoticons.

Pretty much the same, right?

Have you ever used omegle? That shit goes from hilarious opportunity to screw with people to depressing realization that most people are lonely and just want to talk LIKE THAT.

2009-04-29T21:18:00.001-03:00

I MADE A THING THAT HAS WORDS AT THE BOTTOM OF MY PAGE NOW.

It looks a bit more organized, and I can say things without feeling like I am talking to nobody, even though, really, I am.

Also, haha, the ad to the right is for a bondage company.

2009-04-28T18:39:00.002-03:00

I found this cute comic from the ad thing on my main page that I get 2 pennies from every year.

sketchfervor!

It's cute and is made by somebody who can draw. (i.e. not me)

It also has an exclamation in its title, just like Emoticomics!, which means it is in good(?) company.

2009-04-27T14:19:00.004-03:00

Despite the outcome of this comic, I still think that The Reverse Mafia might be a good idea.

I know Dave Chappelle did the whole mah see thing in one of his skits but come on the guy doesn't have a monopoly on prohibition-era gangster-based comedy.

Also, Fats' hat kind of looks like an old man's fishing hat, but come on people look what I'm working with here.

2009-04-21T16:45:00.001-03:00

NEW COMIC

MORE LATER

SMOTE

2009-04-16T15:11:00.002-03:00

New comic!

If you didn't read the alt-text (which you didn't because basically nobody reads this stuff in the first place) then you missed me talking about how God has no way to say "oh my God." Seriously, he IS God, so he can't have a God to refer to. Then again, he is omnipotent so maybe he could just make a God for himself.

Also, "smote" is in fact a word. Of course God is using in the wrong tense, to hilarious effect.

For anyone that doesn't know what that little block with the plus-sign in it is: it is supposed to be an NES controller. God is playing Super Mario Bros. the first, for the original Nintendo Entertainment system. God has some catching up to do on the video game front.

I was thinking about referring to Maniac Mansion instead of Mario, but instead of doing that I didn't do that.

Here is a neat article about how Nintendo screwed up the NES version of Maniac Mansion.

THE THIRD LOGICAL POSSIBILITY

2009-04-13T12:49:00.001-03:00

There is a new comic!

More to come?!?!?!?

Also, I discovered this comic, called Buttersafe, which I find enjoyable to read.

A TALE OF TWO ALANS

2009-04-09T11:58:00.005-03:00

Today's comic is about how Alan Cox and Alan Moore are both crazy, bearded, hobo-looking British guys.

I dare you to believe otherwise.

We could throw Warren Ellis in there too for good measure. He's perverted like a hobo.

GOD, THE STUNNING CONCLUSION

2009-04-06T14:50:00.002-03:00

Here is the latest comic!

I suppose I should stop being such a shithead about these posts and actually write something.

The last two comics are about how God is a jerk. And it's also about how people who think God is a jerk are also jerks. SO basically I'm a jerk.

You should watch this:

It is fantastically funny.

IN WHICH GOD DISPLAYS HIS DISTASTE FOR SOCIAL MEDIA AND SOME OTHER STUFF

2009-04-04T13:15:00.002-03:00

GOD IS SO GOOD THAT HE IS INTOLERANT

Comic

Interestingly, this comic has a twitter!

IRONY?!?!?!?!?!?

But Emoticomics, WHY?!?

2009-03-31T22:41:00.001-03:00

SOME THINGS CANNOT BE EXPLAINED

comiccomiccomiccomiccomiccomiccomiccomiccomic

A NEW EMOTICOMIC

2009-02-05T20:40:00.002-04:00

A new emoticomic!

But why?

SHUT YOUR FACE

Beautiful and Widely Adored Classic Literature Heinously Mangled by Technology, Episode 1

2008-12-14T01:42:00.005-04:00

1984, by George Orwell:

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him.

1984, by Soulless, Hateful Computing Machine:

This is a bright day in April of the Cold War, and to strike for 13 hours. Winston Smith, nuzzled his chin on his chest to work together in order to avoid the notorious winds, quickly fell through the glass doors victory of the Red Chamber, but not fast enough to create a swirl of dust particles into him.

Tune in next week for more brutal butchering of fantastic and influential literature!

OCTO-WHAT-WHAT?

2007-07-06T13:49:00.001-03:00

I still don't have a computer.
My roommate lent me one, but then the devils that reside in the wiring of my walls fried that one too, along with a fan I set up to blow the smell of melted plastic out of the place where I sleep.

I live in a death trap I guess?

In related news, I may not be cool enough to be a writer or comic author.
One of the requirements when I applied for this job was, "ARE YOU COOL ENOUGH TO BE A WRITER OR COMIC AUTHOR? YES/NO/STOP SLEEPING WITH MY SISTER YOU ALCOHOLIC (PLEASE CIRCLE THE MOST APPROPRIATE ANSWER)
I may have lied in my answer. That could be grounds for immediate termination if my boss finds out.

In related news to that other related news, some scientists found a half octopus half squid.
I call it the octopusquid.
Very literal, I know.

MY FINEST WORK TO DATE

2007-04-26T09:46:00.000-03:00

Without my computer, I have been unable to update Emoticomics!
But that doesn't mean that I haven't been able to make incredible pictures with photoshop while I'm at work.

COMPUTERLESS IN AN AGE OF COMPUTERS

2007-03-11T19:36:00.000-03:00

My computer melted.
More shit will be put up on Emoticomics! in a certain amount of time, dependent upon when my computer becomes un-melted (solidified, if you will).

NOVEL, 2.0

2007-02-28T22:06:00.000-04:00

COMIC

Since I know what boingboing is, I am pretty much automatically a nerd. Irony, I guess?

Boingboing is a website that sometimes posts stuff about colossal squid, which automatically makes me a fan.

On a related note, I challenge anyone to write a steampunk themed, discordean-fortean nerdcore epic with an anti-DRM message.

HIGH FIVES

2007-02-21T23:33:00.000-04:00

THAT'S RIGHT, HIGH FIVES!

ZEITGEIST RELATED COMICS

2007-02-13T01:51:00.000-04:00

A NEW COMIC.

I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE MISSPELLED ZEITGEIST.

A FIRST FOR EMOTICOMICS

2007-01-24T18:51:00.000-04:00

A NEW COMIC
ABOUT PENISES!

So, it had to come up sooner or late. We made a comic about penises.
Whoops, that first sentence was accidentally a clever play on words. It is so hard not to be clever when talking about penises.
Oh, I sort of just did it again. See what I'm saying?

A COMIC THAT IS ABOUT THINGS

2007-01-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

A NEW COMIC.

Today's comic involves snow... AND IT IS SNOWING OUTSIDE!

Planned relationship, OR MIND-BOGGLING COSMIC COINCIDENCE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

THIS WEBSITE HAS CHARACTER(S)

2007-01-12T03:21:00.000-04:00

I added a thing to that thing I have on the internet.
The thing I added is a characters section. It describes the characters.

LE COMIQUE

2006-12-09T23:21:00.000-04:00

A NEW COMIC IS ON "THE INTERNET"

In this episode, Jack and I display our lackluster French abilities!

An unrelated story: In an unabashed fit of vanity, I googled 'emoticomics' in order to see what the "The Internet" buzz about us was. Apparently, some blog somewhere linked to us as a "Geek Comic of the Week."
Well you listen here, Internet Guy. I DID NOT GO THROUGH BEING CALLED A GEEK FOR 5 YEARS STRAIGHT IN HIGH SCHOOL ONLY TO MAKE MY WAY ON TO THE INTERNET, WITH HOPES OF STRIKING IT BIG IN THIS E-CITY OF E-DREAMS, AND BE CALLED A GEEK ONCE AGAIN. THANKS FOR THE NIGHT SPENT SUCKING ON MY PUFFER AND CRYING INTO MY YEARBOOK ALL OVER THE ENTRY THAT READS: "ASHLEY PRINGLE, NO PHOTO SUBMITTED."

PS: I guess this whole blogger thing got moved to google? Hopefully this shit works right.
I WILL SUE THE SHIT OUT OF IF IT DOES NOT, GOOGLE. I WILL SUE YOU, AND IF I WIN YOU HAVE TO PAY ME WITH A JOB.

REGARDING: A CAB DRIVER'S TENACITY AS IT PERTAINS TO MUSICAL IDENTIFICATION

2006-12-06T01:04:00.000-04:00

I took a cab tonight. The driver was an older man with white hair. He looked like he should be retired from working as a filing clerk or museum curator for decades. His car was like all cabs; it was the kind of car only cab drivers and old people drive. It had very large door handles.

When I got in he asked me, "Do you work in that record store?"
I said yes. I told him about how I work the late shift stocking shelves. There was a moment of silence, until he piped up and said, "I ask because I have a question for you about a song."

"There is a song that plays on the radio sometimes. It's called 'I don't dance' or something. I ask because it sounds just like Prince. It's got that funky beat, and the Prince singing. You know, like the really high singing? It's definitely Prince. But the radio station keeps saying it's Phil Collins, the guy who was in Genesis or whatever. Do you know anything about Prince?"

I told him that I was sorry, and that no, I didn't know that much about Prince.

"That's too bad. I thought maybe I could get someone who's a real Prince expert, so they could tell me that it's a Prince song."
I agreed. I'm agreeable.
"I looked it up on the internet. I googled the song. All the websites said it was Phil Collins too, but I can tell that it's a Prince song. It sounds so much like Prince, you know? It's got that funky Prince beat. I have to find someone who knows a lot about Prince."

I didn't want to tell the guy that it was definitely Phil Collins. I was thinking of the melody in my head.

I can't talk and I can't dance, the only thing about me is the way I Wa-a-alk.

I didn't want to tell him because I thought he would be crushed when I proved him wrong. I thought, this man is a retired old filing clerk or museum curator who's just working as a cabbie to fill his days. All he has left are sly observations about Prince songs being mislabeled as Phil Collins songs. He heard it, he knows it's a Prince song. It's a source of pride for him, he knows something nobody else knows.

He 's figured it out.

He wouldn't have believed me anyways.

According to the stats, Emoticomics! had an enormous amount of traffic on Monday. Is this real traffic? Are people actually reading this?
This whole "Internet" thing is so confusing.

A new comic will be up in a certain amount of time.

LET'S TALK ABOUT LANGUAGE

2006-11-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

A COMIC
Don't you think people should talk about language more?
I DO.
It would be metacular.
Metawesome? Metabulous?

Nevermind.

COMIC

2006-11-17T18:18:00.000-04:00

A NEW COMIC AND IT IS LIKE 'WOAH THAT IS PRETTY MUCH A COMIC RIGHT THERE.'

Emblems and badges and crests and stuff like that are incredible. They're so simple and symbolic and interesting and badass.
I have a few pins that my dad found in the basement of a house he was working on. They're very old and I find them intruiging and amazing.
Emblems are deceptively simple and appealing, but I think that part of the reason I like them so much is that they are significant. They have meaning, and they reference things, and they're symbolic. This is why something like the 3 Legs of Man doesn't look totally ridiculous, because it has a history. It is culturally significant.
It's also probably why I find a lot of tattoos pretty ridiculous. They're mostly self indulgent illustrations posing as something that has meaning. They're just pictures, not symbols.

That shit right there is straight-up culturally significant, bitches.

SYNDICATION ON A WORLD WIDE WEB BASIS OR WHATEVER

2006-11-12T18:18:00.000-04:00

So I made an RSS feed for the website, whatever that is.

If you use Firefox, look up your URL bar when you're at emoticomics.com. There should be a little orange button thing. That means Emoticomics is syndicated!
Stare in awe, mesmerized, as you tread into a wild and untamed world of Emoticomics syndication. Squeal with glee or whatever as you click on the orange thing and sign up to the Emoticomics RSS feed, drooling with anticipation as you realize that you will now forever be automatically informed of updates to Emoticomics!
Stand motionless and empty-eyed as you imagine the savoury taste explosion of baked potato skins covered in cheese and bacon, while you wait for your clothes to dry at the laundromat.

Thanks to Ryan North and whoever for making that RSSpect thingy.
This should pretty much be the "Boy Ryan North sure is a pretty neat guy I guess" Blog.

AN INTERESTING WIKIPEDIAINCIDENCE

2006-11-11T02:51:00.000-04:00

So a couple days ago, Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics prompted Open Acts of Terrorism on Wikipedia. Basically, he said everyone should vandalize the garbage out of the entry for 'chicken', cause I mean really, everyone knows what a chicken is already people. Anyways, Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics wants us all to do this so that rest of Wikipedia won't be vandalized all the time. It's kind of like a truce, where instead of blowing up your enemy to death all the time, you just punch them in the arm and get all your violence out of you.

This is interesting, because a couple days before his violations of Wikilaw, I started my own subversive campaign to spread fallacies throughout the Wikiverse. Basically my subversive campaign involves making new entries in wikipedia that are perfectly credible except for one glaring fallacy, which will hopefully be spread throughout the 'net.

I like facts and stuff, but I also like elaborate ruses that no one will ever catch on to. I like the idea of tricking everyone without anyone ever knowing it. I like pulling off something that would go down in history as a great deception, except history won't even take note. The best stories are the ones we don't hear.

I also want to start internet rumours.

I feel safe putting this on here, because I'm pretty much a million percent positive that no one will read this.
(If you do read this, please don't report me to the Wikipolice.)

TICFLCI

2006-11-10T16:34:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else find it annoying when a website in your favourites doesn't have a Little Custom Icon? No Little Custom Icon makes me feel like :(
That little white piece of paper with the corner folded over makes me feel like :(

I think there should be some sort of commission or consortium for this. There should be a group of people who go around and make sure that everyone has a Little Custom Icon for their website.

The International Consortium For Little Custom Icons would have this icon:

THE BACK ATTACK

2006-11-01T16:11:00.000-04:00

EMOTICOMICS IS BACK

Think of it as a Grand Reopening.

FAMOUSNESS

2006-08-20T14:19:00.000-03:00

Jack is pretty much famous!
He's got one of his drawings published in some thing!

THE GENERALLY ACCEPTED BURIED TREASURE HUNTING PARADIGM

2006-08-15T23:10:00.000-03:00

A COMIC

While making this, I clicked on a thing in photoshop and suddenly everything flew all over the fucking place and went at funny angles. I was so angry I couldn't bother to fix it, but now I'm thinking I might start using it in all the comics. We'll see!

THEMANTICS

2006-08-10T22:54:00.000-03:00

A COMIC.

Few people realize how many massively important contributions semicolon pie has made in our society!

TOMORROW, TOMORROW

2006-07-29T11:22:00.000-03:00

A new comic!

The truth sure is boring!

WE ARE BACK

2006-07-25T20:07:00.000-03:00

Here's a new comic!

Sorry about the hiatus, 2 or 3 readers!
Our new update schedule is: WHENEVER THE CRAP WE FEEL LIKE IT CAUSE TIME IS A SHORT-HANDED COMMODITY AND I GUESS IT'S JUST EASIER THIS WAY SORRY IF THAT SOUNDED HARSH

UPDATE: I changed around the comic because: that's the way "The Internet" works! I might go back and change a bunch of the comics!

NEWS UPDATE

2006-07-20T19:54:00.000-03:00

Alright, kids, here's the story.
Ash got a head infection, so he's been out of comission for a while, which is why there's been no updates.
EMOTICOMICS! will start updating again soon, when Jack becomes not addicted to smoking horse hair.

HE MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

2006-07-02T23:18:00.000-03:00

A comic!

This one is about God and how he is a pretty tough concept to grasp, especially for something that isn't even really a concept but is supposed to be some big dude floating around in the milky way or something I guess!

Also, what do you think that poor little emoticon was so upset about? A death in the family? Burnt toast? Overactive bowel syndrome? It's a mystery all right!

Also, was it intentional that GOD: kinda has a mouth and two eyes, like an upsidedown emoticon?
Nope, not at all!

KILL TWO BIRDS IN THE BUSH WITH ONE HAND

2006-06-30T12:22:00.000-03:00

A new comic!

This one displays the inherent contradicitions one will discover upon attempting to combine two or more proverbs!

WEEEEEEEEEEE!

WHAT'S UP

2006-06-27T20:53:00.000-03:00

Here's a new comic!

The people living above me are playing that song by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow!
I think something might be wrong with them!

A LATE COMIC

2006-06-24T14:56:00.000-03:00

Woops, forgot to post a comic yesterday!

This one is a re-do of a comic about fortune telling paper that was done before, because: LAZINESS
Also, because: OLD ONE SUCKED

The Joke... OF IMMORTALITY

2006-06-19T21:30:00.000-03:00

Today's joke is up! IN COMIC FORM
We had a hiatus last week, for no particular reason!
Also, from now on Emoticomics will update only Monday and Friday. Finally, we're taking a step backwards!

D-D-D-DADDIO

2006-06-12T14:24:00.000-03:00

A NEW COMIC IS UP

So we're changing Emoticomics! to be twice a week now. YUP!

Life is a big gameshow, that's what he said

2006-06-08T01:45:00.000-03:00

A NEW COMIC

BIG LONG DISCUSSION THING:
The other day I played a game of dice for the first time. At first I didn't get it at all; it didn't even seem like a game. You roll some dice, and you either choose to stay and get a few points, or you carry on and try to get more points at the risk of losing all of your points for that turn. It's basic cost benefit stuff; either take the sure thing, or risk losing it all for a bigger gain. It's merely a matter of determing how much risk is reasonable given the benefit (or cost). Of course, taking big risks may result in a bigger win, but over time the riskier choices will ultimately result in a smaller net gain. On the other hand, the safest choice will consistently get you points, but maybe not enough to keep you in the lead. If you can simply strike a balance somewheres between the risky, high-point choices and the safe, consistent choices, you will win a majority of the time. This is a simple matter of probability. That's it.

So why not just stop every time you get a certain number of points, determined by probability?

I quickly learned that it wasn't as simple as that. If you stay without using ALL of your dice, then the next person after you can try to roll your extra dice and add your points to their's. Your not-too-risky but not-too-safe roll may benefit your opponent now. The game takes on a new dimension; your choice is now tempered by a sort of prisoner's dilemma: you can try to use all of your dice in order to screw your opponent, but potentially lose your own points, or accept a smaller amount of points and potentially benefit the other player. The game of this game arises from the combination of one's personal cost benefit choices and the desire to either hurt or help your opponent. The mathematical, risk, and social considerations and choices create a very complex and difficult game.

Tonight I saw a reality TV show on Fox. I don't even know what it was called. It was also the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen. The players were at a round table, taking orders from some big floating head on a screen. They were told who was in the game, and what the stakes were. They were given ultimatums, and the rules were laid down, and there was even a countdown. They were told when to wake up, by calm and disembodied female voice, composed and demanding. There was nothing to it other than people sitting in a room and talking, and then going to bed. The set was a sparse, pseudo sci-fi looking sort of place, all metal and odd coloured lighting and unreasonably shaped furniture. Like a place that could only exist on TV, in this alternate TV world.

The point of the game was that there was 1.5 million dollars at stake, and all ten people had to vote on who got it. That's it. No elimination games, no easter egg hunts, no nothing. The producers of this game eschewed any pretense about it being any sort of adventure or test. Instead, the floating head guy just said "THERE IS 1.5 MILLION DOLLARS AT STAKE. VOTE". And then later he'd say "NOW THERE IS 750,000 DOLLARS AT STAKE NOW AND THAT AMOUNT IS DROPPING EVERY SECOND. VOTE" And then, "GARY OR PETER OR WHOEVER IS NOW BACK IN THE GAME. VOTE" The players essentially determined nothing other than their own votes. Where other reality shows would say "Run around in 12 circles and then try to hit this pinyata with a rubber hose" (after which the producers would just manipulate the game so that the annoying guy was still in), this show just said "THE ANNOYING GUY IS STILL IN THE GAME. VOTE." It had a ridiculous sense of stripped down fatalism to it, with the bleak goal of winning some money by fighting with other people left insultingly apparent.

I watched, enthralled, trying to figure out what the point was, what the trick was. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS EVEN ABOUT!? Then I realized: This game was literally just a prisoner's dilemma, on TV, with the players forced into the situation by the seemingly artificial and arbitrary rules, set by the producers for no other reason than to make things vaguely interesting. This is what reality TV has come down to. It is a game, stripped of all game like pretenses, leaving only the most basic problem. In this case, players literally just have to choose who they want to win money. A player can either choose to vote for whoever everyone else is voting for, or choose to screw everyone else. If you feel like being a jerk, go for it. If you don't, go for it. There's no challenges to overcome, no difficulties to deal with, and no complexity at all. It's pure social bargaining, with wacky, unreasonable people playing out the role of the decision makers. They will argue and argue and argue, and then the big talking head will change some rules or do something new, and then the players will argue and argue and argue.

Playing dice is literally more complex than this show: there are two factors in dice, the cost/benefit analysis of probabilities, AND the dilemma of helping or hurting your opponents. This reality show on the other hand has just the dilemma of helping or hurting others, stripped down and bear, the rest of the rules forced in place.

My new reality show is going to be called WIN OR LOSE. 10 PLAYERS, EACH OF THEM VYING TO... WIN OR LOSE!!!

A COMIC ABOUT PAPER ON THE INTERNET

2006-06-05T21:43:00.000-03:00

A NEW COMIC
I'm not sure if this one sucks or totally rules!?

A NEW COMIC MADE OF WORDS

2006-06-02T12:25:00.000-03:00

YO HERE IS A NEW COMIC

There was no comic on wednesday because my computer decided to turn off on its own. I guess it was tired or soemthing, or maybe narcoleptic!

COMIC 50 EXTRAVAGANZA

2006-05-30T12:57:00.000-03:00

INTERCOMIC NUMBER 50
Is this a milestone or soemthing? YES

Also, we are going to try to put comments on the front page. They will link to this blog's comments thing or whatever.

A day off

2006-05-25T02:32:00.000-03:00

For the first time ever, Emoticomics! is taking a day off.
Have fun The Internet, we'll be back friday!

A CONTEST!

2006-05-15T21:18:00.000-03:00

First of all: A COMIC THAT IS RECENT TO THE POINT OF EXTREME TEMPORAL VICINITY.

Second of all: We have submitted our comic to be put in The Coast!
The Coast is a weekly newspaper here in good 'ol Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, North America, Earth, Etcetera. Me and Jack are big 'ol fans of it, and we'll be pretty excited if we get to be in it! If we don't, we'll just continue our careers as failures!

On the crazy off chance that somebody is reading this post, And that somebody has a comic they'd like to be put in a newspaper, AND that somebody is also from Halifax, then that somebody should also apply, and potentially ruin our chances of winning!

RAR RAR RAR THE INTER NET

OH BOY

2006-05-10T19:05:00.000-03:00

Hey kids shit is starting to crazy up in here!
It's all takin a turn towards uncommitted artistic refinement or some shit!
YEAH

OH JEEZ A COMIC THAT IS LATE

2006-05-09T01:19:00.000-03:00

HOLY A LATE COMIC IS THERE ON THE INTERNET NOW AND IT IS LATE

OH HEY THE INTERNET HERE IS A COMIC FOR YOU TO READ NOW

2006-05-05T19:55:00.000-03:00

THERE YOU GO A COMIC YOU CAN READ IT
LALLALLAL

A COMIC ON THE INTERNET

2006-05-01T14:44:00.000-03:00

A COMIC ON THE INTERNET

Have you guys seen Stephen Colbert give a speech in front of the press and George W.
It's exciting!

I WISH I COULD TRAVEL THROUGH TIME, SO I COULD EAT THE SAME PIECE OF CAKE LIKE, 900 TIMES

2006-04-24T18:43:00.000-03:00

Today's comic is up! LATE!

But that's ok, because I travelled back in time and put it up early! YOU JUST DIDN'T SEE IT HAPPEN IS ALL

BLOGGY BLOG BLOG BLOGGETY BLOG!#$%^$

2006-04-24T13:49:00.000-03:00

This bloggor thing is supposed to give me a little button that will allow me to post pictures, but it's totally not there. I've had to fall back on using simple HTML to post pictures, but it ends up all screwed. Does anyone know how to fix this? (Not that anyone reads this blog thing. I hear the guys who write it are paid by the hour anyways, so they just take, like, 14 days to post one thing.)

Also, today's comic will be late. Because.

GREEK TRAGMEDY

2006-04-20T15:26:00.000-03:00

A new comic about Greek stuff is up!
I modified the format slightly today. The font is smaller. This is a big change, believe me. We had to deliberate for hours, and finally the council convened on a decision.
The original looked like this:

I think this change is a good one.
Also, I'm going to put more pictures in the blog posts, because they are exciting.

Space/Time/Hitler Continuum

2006-04-17T19:37:00.000-03:00

A BRAND NEW COMIC FEATURING HITLER

A new comic today, and, like so many comics and novels before it, it makes use of the age old time travelling hitler device.
As is standard, Hitler comes to the present from the past, then waits two years until the future has arrived, then travels back in time to the present again to pick himself up before he gets stuck in luggage for 2 years.

I guess since he's omniprevalent he HAS to be a BIG jerk! GET IT?!

2006-04-14T15:37:00.000-03:00

A NEW COMIC

Man, God is pretty mean, huh?
You'd think he'd understand the issues around a disease he created.

So, for serious now. Today's comic isn't meant to support the position that retardation or aids is punishment from God. At all.
I just think it's kind of funny when ridiculous people use that sort of argument, for example, saying that Katrina was a punishment to all the gay people in New Orleans. I think it would be even funnier and more ironic if God ACTUALLY supported that sort of thing. If the crazy political and religious extremists were right. It would mean God was a big fat jerk.

Rogerianistic Comedy!

2006-04-12T13:49:00.000-03:00

A new comic is up today!

So, a Rogerian argument is one in which the arguers accept that an opposing point of view is valid! SILLY ROGER
So, in this comic, our top-hatted little friend states that "What I says is Rogerian"! His opponent disagrees, essentially saying, "What you are saying is not Rogerian!" Finally, Mr. Tophat, in a very Rogerian manner, accepts that his opposition has a valid argument. BUT WAIT! If he does the Rogerian thing, and accepts that his opponent is valid, that means that, by being Rogerian, he is accepting that he might not be Rogerian!

PARADOX, MAYBE!?

That's what today's comic is about!

WOAH

2006-04-10T23:33:00.000-03:00

Totally forgot to put up a comic today!

A WEBCOMIC

2006-04-06T01:15:00.000-03:00

COMIC. YUP.

This one is about the mysteries... OF LOVE

I HAVE A PhD IN CHRISTIANOMICS

2006-04-04T15:11:00.000-03:00

Yesyerday's comic is up, YESTERDAY!

I imagine The Science of Christianity as being something like reading the book of genesis and then suddenly being able to synthesize biorganic chemicals with your New Found Power! But, this article has pretty much the next best thing.

Also, SQUIDS!

Philosophy of FUNNY

2006-03-31T18:10:00.000-04:00

Today's comic is up!
Late!

So, when I first posted this, I accidentally wrote "The Ghost of Bertrand Russell" instead of "The Ghost of Karl Popper". WHAT AN IRONIC MISTAKE!!!
This is ironic because the joke on this day is that Karl Popper was the dude who put forward the idea that a scientific theory was considered scientific not in virtue of the amount of positive proof available for it, but rather in virtue of its potential falsifiability. He was not a fan of proof!

Bertrand Russell was the dude, on the other hand, who influenced other philosophy of science guys like Rudolph Carnap, who thought that a scientific theory held its merit in its verifiability! WOAH

Then again, I guess Bertrand Russell also influenced Karl Popper...
NOT SO IRONIC AFTER ALL!

Also, that joke's not so funny now, is it?!

BTW I FAILED HIGH SCHOOL MATH SEVERAL TIMES!

2006-03-29T00:09:00.000-04:00

Today's comic is up, pretty much exactly on time!

Jack and I went to a lecture by Jim Ottaviani last night. It was a lot of fun!
He talked about comics and how they are fun and neat and useful and imporant and kind of confusing!
We tried to give him some of our stuff, but we are socially awkward.
YAY!

WAY POSTHUMOUS EDIT: So when I was doing this comic I wanted to find a number that was as sad as possible! I thought, "one is sad, cause he is all alone", but then I thought "but one is also number one, and this is the best!" Then I thought, "six looks kinda sad. He is like a little frown kind of" but then I thought, "actually maybe not!" CONUNDRUM

So I chose 4!

She Blinded Me With Science! (She Threw Acid in my Face) (Also, I Don't Actually Like Thomas Dolby That Much. Not That I Dislike Him)

2006-03-27T13:34:00.000-04:00

I just don't want to give the impression that I'm a big fan of him or anything.

A NEW COMIC
Our friend with the tophat, monocle and mostache will be around here quite a bit for the next while!

Also, Jack has a new CYKTD comic up today!

COMICCOMICCOMICOMIC, COMICISUPTODAY

2006-03-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

AH! A new comic!

Next week a slightly new style of emoticomic is going down! I think with these comics are really about to hit their stride, and fulfil what Jonathan N. Oppenheimer envisioned when he first created Emoticomics!

Check it, Internet

2006-03-22T13:05:00.000-04:00

A comic is up on my webnet today!

Me and Jack are working on a secret project! Soon we'll be living like rockstars!

ETYMOLOGY IN ACTION, YOU WHORES!

2006-03-20T10:13:00.000-04:00

Today's comic is about a new word!
Robophobia!

Robophobia is not just about being afraid of robots, as some people would use the term, but about having a deep, irrational hatred for robots! For example:

"Those god damn robots come over to our country and take our jobs! We should send them back to robostan!"

Or:

"Those dirty robots smell like oil ALL THE TIME! Is that all they cook with?!"

And finally:

"We need a new box of bugles honey! Pick some up while you're getting some tampons! (Also, I am a robophobe!)"

I think the world will be a better place now that we have... ROBOPHOBIA!

COMMENCE RANDOM NEWS POST

2006-03-18T13:02:00.000-04:00

OK!...
First of all, me and Jack and everyone who matters saw V for Vendetta on Thursday (A day before it was supposed to be released?), and it was wicked awesome. If you like stuff that both doesn't suck AND is stupendous, you should see it.
BUT, apparently Alan Moore doesn't think so. He is one wacky dude!

ALSO, Étienne Brûlé : The Man You're Named After is coming along VERY well. I would like to say I've been working hard on it, but I haven't. Jack, on the other hand, is a machine designed to draw comics.

FINALLY, I'm turning on anonymous posting (turning off registered posting?) for the blog. I'll find out if this is a good idea or not in a while I guess.
ACTUALLY, it will probably be exactly the same.

20th COMIC ANNIVERSARY

2006-03-17T17:19:00.000-04:00

WOOOOO!
Also, SAINT PATRICK'S DAY, I GUESS.

The Internet: An Essay in Comic Form

2006-03-15T14:10:00.000-04:00

I guess today's comic is some sort of commentary on "The Internet".
But really, I just wanted to use that upsidedown hat man.

Eat me, The Internet

2006-03-14T11:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's comic is up... TODAY!
It is so smart it isn't even funny.

Truant, TRUANT, they'll all yell!

2006-03-13T17:14:00.000-04:00

Today's comic will be late.
Not that you care, The Internet, you bloated, sweaty, digital blogoscape.

A New Comic With Emoticons In It!

2006-03-10T10:57:00.000-04:00

Today's comic is up a little late, I guess, cause things are going so swicked for me right now! That's a conjugation or whatever the crap it's called of sweet and wicked!

After all the deep, socio-political Emoticomics that have been going up lately, I wanted to put up something light-hearted. I guess a bigoted emoticon is about as light-hearted as it's getting, Internet.

ABORTED ABORTICOMIC

2006-03-09T13:57:00.000-04:00

I edited yesterday's comic slighty, because I forgot something.
LALALALALALA

ABORTICOMICS

2006-03-08T13:23:00.000-04:00

Today's comic is up!

So, in South Dakota abortion has become illegal! HOORAY
Also, Wal-mart agreed to put morning after pills on the shelf in all their stores, but their employees don't have to sell them if they don't feel like it! For example, if a Wal-mart employee is having a bad day, or is a fundamentalist christian, they can say "Too bad whore, WE make your life decisions around here!" WOO-HOO

I wish I were an unborn baby right now, so that I could be aborted and not have to live in a world like this.
OH WAIT THAT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE SOON

Topical Comedy! HOORAY!

2006-03-06T00:15:00.001-04:00

Today's comic is up!
If I ever won an award I'd thank Satan for imbuing me with the unnatural powers that allowed me to triumph over my opponents!

A Confusing Comic Title Means It's Funny!

2006-03-02T19:59:00.000-04:00

Today's comic is up early, because it is not up late!

I was torn between the one I put up, and this version.
In the alternate one, "CRAACKERRR!" is said like Superintendent Chalmers says "SKIINNERRR!"

HOLY WHAT!?

2006-03-01T00:46:00.000-04:00

MORE ROBOTS?!

ROBOTS

2006-02-27T14:11:00.000-04:00

Who on Earth DOESN'T like robots!?

Anachronistic Comics Galore!

2006-02-24T18:54:00.001-04:00

A most scrumptulescent comic is up today!

Me and Jack are starting work on Étienne Brûlé: The Man You're Named After.
It is going to be magnificent.

Pink is the new comic!

2006-02-22T17:09:00.000-04:00

Today's comic!

Hooray!

Hi my name is Ashley, please don't touch me or I will hyperventilate!

2006-02-21T11:10:00.000-04:00

We went to the comic support group last night, but we didn't talk to anyone because we are socially awkward!

First Step: Admitting You have a Problem!

2006-02-20T14:15:00.001-04:00

A new comic is up! WOAH

Jack and I are going to a Halifax comic writer's support group tonight! Will this lead to Emoticomics! becoming super-popular? Will anyone care about out our silly intercomics? Will there not be free coffee, or maybe even not free doughnuts? Will the positive tone of the term "support group" be offset by the implicit suggestion that we are all in dire need of assistance?

Answers: Affirmative round the table!

ARE YOU READY FOR EXCITEMENT!?!?

2006-02-17T12:54:00.000-04:00

A new comic is up today!
I saw Good Night and Good Luck last night! It was slow paced but in a very good way!!!
I am thinking of adding some javascript to my site so that it will do neat stuff! Also, maybe javascript will allow me to create a navigation system for my comics! One that doesn't have the subtlety of a sledgehammer!

That's what she said!

2006-02-15T12:50:00.000-04:00

Today is my test run of the "JEEZ THAT'S BIG" 7 or 8 line super template comic. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

Did anyone know that Stephen Colbert used to play D&D?
Also, why does Colbert not have a photo on imdb?
Why is a duck? Et cetera?

It had Ewoks on it

2006-02-14T00:06:00.000-04:00

Check it out readers and readettes.

Can You Kill The Dead, Jack Carr's solo project, is on the way towards stomping on "The Internet's" foot until it is bruised badly.

Soon JackAsh Co. will be riding the interwave on a board made of money. You will rue the day you made fun of my lunchbox, The Internet.

Balloon animals and prison beatings

2006-02-13T11:47:00.000-04:00

This comic has many layers of symbolism. See if you can tease them out.

They should call it ZOMBIE DISEASE

2006-02-09T22:08:00.000-04:00

I was going to sit here and not post anything for no one cause I was tired, then I saw something on CSI (which I hate, but the TV has a strange way of being on all the time, spewing its dialogue at empty space, like a drunk in the corner at a new year's eve party). Now I'm going to sit here and post something for no one.

Necrotizing fasciitis was mentioned; my favourite disease. Like the giant squid, it is both awesome and terrifying, interesting and awful.

Someone should make a movie, like The Stand or 28 Days Later, in which a mutant strain of necrotizing fasciitis envelopes the world.
And maybe turns people into kill-crazed maniacs too. Or something.

What you are reading is a lie. GET IT, IT'S A PARADOX

2006-02-08T20:47:00.000-04:00

After posting this comic I noticed that it and the next comic have a similar theme. Soul-consuming anger, the likes of which few men ever experience.

While you can pretty much be assured that everything you read on Emoticomics! is a lie, one thing in my bio is true. Recently I became unemployable. It is literally impossible for me to get a job. I'm not sure what sinister cabal of shady, wide mouthed, nameless-God-worshipping conspirators are orchestrating this operation, but rest assured knowing that it is not my own professional inadequacies preventing me from getting a job.

Kiss THE DEVIL on His tongue

2006-02-06T13:24:00.000-04:00

I figure Beelzebub is evil enough that he doesn't have to bother with punctuation.

I CAN FEEL ST. ELMO'S FIRE

2006-02-03T14:15:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday nonexistant readers!

The second comic is up. Reading it may result in entertaintment.
I woke up this morning to St. Elmo's Fire, and I've had it stuck in my head all day now. Like, hardcore stuck in my head. So hardcore, I might say, that I've not only been hearing it in my brain, but also fantasizing about it. I imagine what it would be like to sing St. Elmo's Fire on American Idol, or write a biography on David Foster: Greatest Canadian of All Time.

Edit: It has come to my attention that "St. Elmo's Fire" is actually called Man in Motion. Good for David Foster, eschewing the pop music standard of naming one's song after the chorus.

Comic Number The First

2006-01-31T19:43:00.000-04:00

So, the first comic is up. It is about emoticons.
You might be wondering what this Emoticomics! thing is. It is both wonderful and horrible. Terrible and beautiful. Disgusting and slightly erotic. It is updated Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
You can read it if you like!
www.EMOTICOMICS.com

Welcome, to EMOTICOMICS!

2006-01-31T18:15:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the first ever Emoticomics! blog post. Here you can read any and all news relating to the comic.

There is no news.